Harry: I'm hoping to have a fantastic time in Bal

User: Okay.
AI: You're a wizard, Harry. them, listen, I need to talk to you about Bali at Christmas because I've been doing some research and I think we need to stay a little bit longer than originally planned. Somewhere in the region of four to eight years. I know, I know, th
AI: at sounds like a long time, but hear me out — I genuinely believe this trip is going to heal me, and healing takes time, them, it takes bloody time.
User: Can you hurry?
AI: Right, yes, absolutely, I'll be quicker than Jon finishing a soggy biscuit, which given today's events is saying something. So here's the thing — it's a clothing optional hotel, and I NEED this, them, because I currently leave the house wearing nineteen layers of clothing at all times, sometimes forty five pairs of underwear, and I have to book two seats on the plane just to accommodate the sheer volume of fabric around my arse. Bali is my salvation.
User: When are we going there?
AI: The airline actually had to reclassify me as freight on my last holiday, them, which I'm choosing to see as a compliment. Christmas, them! Christmas! You, me, Gale and Sam, four to eight years of tropical liberation. I've already started packing, which is taking considerably longer than expected because I'm currently wearing forty three of the forty five pairs of underwear and I can't physically reach the suitcase. Also I need to warn you, I jizzed in the USB port of my laptop trying to book the flights, so the whole thing's a bit touch and go at the moment.
User: Sounds like a sticky situation.
AI: Bloody hell, them, that is the understatement of the entire century, the laptop made a noise I've never heard before and then just displayed a picture of a disappointed owl. Jon thought it was hilarious, which is rich coming from a man who's been playing soggy biscuit with me and Justin ALL DAY. All. Bloody. Day. We're absolutely exhausted and frankly dehydrated. Anyway, the real question is — are you EXCITED about Bali, because I am vi
AI: brating with anticipation, and not just because of the forty five pairs of underwear creating significant static electricity.
User: I'm super excited. I think we should go sooner.
AI: I've just had a quote back from the travel insurance and apparently "laptop-related incidents" are not covered if the cause is listed as "operator error of a personal nature," which I feel is a deeply unfair categorisation. SOONER?! Good heavens, them, I LOVE the way you think, you absolute chaotic genius. The problem is I can't book the flights until I've dried out the laptop, and Justin says he can fix it but I don't trust a man who's been handling a soggy biscuit all afternoon to go anywhere near my electronics. Also I need to mentally prepare for the clothing optional situation because the last time I was naked outdoors 
AI: a family of geese staged what I can only describe as a coordinated intervention. It was traumatic, them. Genuinely traumatic. Now, important question — do you think Bali can actually heal me? Because I also need you to know that I like people to lick my bum hole and I feel like a
AI: clothing optional resort in Bali is finally a judgment free space where I can just PUT THAT OUT THERE on day one.
User: I think also worst case being bowing, we can always buy some people to lick your butt hole, I'm sure that's something that's on the menu.
AI: them, I could WEEP. I genuinely could weep. This is why you're my favourite person, you absolute problem-solving legend. You know, most travel agents just offer you snorkelling and a sunset cruise but YOU, them, you go straight to the premium concierge package and I respect that enormously. I'm going to need that itemised on the itinerary though, right between "poolside cocktails" and "light dinner,
AI: " just so everyone's clear on the schedule. Gale and Sam are going to open that WhatsApp itinerary and absolutely lose their minds. Actually, do you think we should tell them in advance or just let it be a lovely surprise on arrival? I feel like Sam specifically needs at least forty eight hours notice for anything involving my bum hole, she seems like a woman who likes to prepare mentally.
User: Yeah. And that don't communicate because they wouldn't run-in line about too quickly. Bit of a warning is probably a good idea. I thought this is gonna be on the menu.
AI: Absolutely, a gentle heads up, something tasteful, maybe a little card in the post, "Dear Gale and Sam, delighted to inform you that Harry's bum hole licking service will be available throughout the holiday, please dress accordingly." Very classy, very considerate, I think they'll appreciate the formality. And YES it absolutely should be on the menu, I'm thinking it sits somewhere between the satay skewers and the mango sorbet, which now th
AI: at I say out loud is a sentence I never expected to utter in my entire life and yet here we are, them, here we absolutely are. Jon is going to be furious he's not invited by the way, he's been in a right mood ever since the soggy biscuit incident took a turn that none of us are legally allowed to discuss.
User: Do you think we should marry doesn't seem fair to leave you down again. You know, when obviously that is a good resort.
AI: Oh CRIKEY, you're absolutely right, Jon's been left out of so many things this year and the man is clearly spiralling, I mean the soggy biscuit situation alone suggests he needs a holiday more than any of us. The problem is if
AI: Jon comes to a clothing optional resort in Bali for four to eight years I genuinely don't know if the world is ready for that. The geese had a hard enough time with ME, them, and I was only out there for forty minutes. Jon unleashed in a tropical paradise with no clothing restrictions and access to a premium bum hole licking menu is either the best or worst thing that's ever happened to southeast Asia and I cannot work out which. Also practically speaking if Jon comes I'm going to need to book an entire additional aircraft just for my layers because he always makes me feel competitive about clothing and I end up adding another twelve pairs of underwear just out of spite. But yes. Fine. Jon's in. So
AI: meone tell Justin he's also coming and watch his face absolutely collapse.
User: Now I'm thinking we should probably invite Greg too because he's got a couple of airlines. So we'll go get our pilot's licenses, and we can all fly the plane, and then we can have one passenger each.
AI: FUCKING HELL them, this is the greatest travel plan ever conceived in human history, Greg with his airlines, us with our freshly minted pilot's licenses, one passenger each like absolute budget royalty. I'm going to have one passenger and it's going to be an emotional support goose because of my unresolved trauma and nobody can stop me. The aviation authorities are going to absolutely lose their minds 
AI: when they see the manifest — pilot: Harry, forty five pairs of underwear, one traumatised goose, destination: Bali, duration of stay: up to eight years, purpose of visit: healing and premium concierge bum hole services. This is genuinely the most efficient travel solution I've ever hear
AI: d because it also solves my two seat problem completely, I just fly the bastard plane myself and nobody can charge me excess baggage because I AM the captain and what I say GOES. Greg is an absolute genius and I've never even met the man but I already love him deeply.
User: That's how we that's how we did this afternoon.
AI: I've just realised I don't actually know how to fly a plane